Today marks 14 years without alcohol and drugs.
I had just turned 19 when I went to rehab. I was lost, hated myself and a shell of a human. It was terrifying going to a facility, especially being the youngest one there, but also terrifying leaving my old life behind into a completely unknown world of sobriety. But I was sick and tired of living the way I was.
I am so grateful to my parents who held their boundaries strong and let me hit my bottom while always keeping the door to recovery open for me. Hitting my bottom allowed me to finally accept the gift of treatment.
I often get asked by people if they think I could ever drink again...the answer is no. I truly don’t think so. Why would I risk trying anyways? Life is good today and I know the kind of person I can become when I pick up substances. I don’t stop... and I won’t stop... and then next thing you know I’ve awake for two days with people I don’t know, somewhere I don’t know. Birds are chirping early in the morning and that pit aches at the bottom of my stomach...and I hate myself. I never want to be that version of Stephanie ever again.
I’m so grateful for the freedom recovery has given me. Freedom to make mistakes. Freedom to peel back the layers of the complicated human I am. Freedom to learn. Freedom to LIVE. Freedom to feel good. Freedom to love myself and be happy.
I am here today for so many reasons. The 12 step programs, my family, my many amazing friends, therapy, world conferences, retreats, spiritual awakenings, and so many more. I didn’t do this alone and I am grateful for all of the people who I have crossed paths with along the way - good or bad. It’s shaped me to who I am today.
I have fallen flat on my face many times in recovery. Multiple emotion bottoms where I had hard lessons to learn. I just didn’t pick up. Thank god for that. Just because we get sober... it doesn’t mean life gets perfect. It means that we learn how to deal with all the ups and downs of life without the escape of alcohol/drugs and the nightmares that go along with addiction.
Life is pretty amazing today. I am proud of the woman & mother that I am. I owe that to my recovery❤️
#recoveryispossible
14 years sober